In no way does my employer approve of what I'm doing here. In my everday life I meet wonderful customers...some of these people leave such a wonderful impression I have to write them a "love note." If you have a story you want to submit shoot it to: DEARRETAILCUSTOMER@GMAIL.COM I'll do my best to post/respond as quick as humanly possible.


Recent Tweets @mynameisfyl

I fucking hate my iPhone…Apple products are such pieces of shit.  Do you know when the 5 comes out cause I think I want to upgrade to that one.”

I honestly do not see how people can say something like this without feeling retarded?

-RG

One of the best ways to get the best customer service possible is get all doped up on percocet and storm in and yell at people who didn’t sell you anything in the first place.  Or wait, maybe that was the exact opposite way you should act.  I can never remember these things.

-RG

Your wearing Uggz and spandex tights, what the hell type of business are you in?

"My phone isn’t able to make calls for some reason, do you think it’s because of the second coming of Christ?"

-RG

Please don’t use our demo phones to research your family history. I know finding out your dad isn’t your actual dad is a pretty big deal…but a retail store with other customer isn’t quite the best place for that don’t you think? -RG

Ma’am the only thing different about your phone is the color. They didn’t make it get better reception, its not faster, and its definitely not more durable. Stop feeling so much better than anyone else because you waited 10 months for a color variant…goddamn iPhone customer stereotype. -RG

It’s funny how your phone seems to not work after dropping it in that big wet ocean thing. I’m a little shocked that you’re surprised by this… -RG

If you can’t figure out how to turn on the most basic of phones (HUGE button labeled “PWR”) then you shouldn’t have a cell phone.

Wait…what? How much is an iPhone? Go home. -RG

You’ve had a smart phone for a grand total of 3 weeks and called me literally 35 times asking me how to change your ringtone. It’s time to accept that you are not intelligent enough to own a smartphone…stick to coloring books.

-RG

How do you own a phone for three months and not figure out how to make it ring? You can go into the settings and disable network permissions, but flipping that little switch on the side never crossed your mind? You should probably go stand in the corner and color…

-RG

Wearing sweatpants, slippers, and bed head in public pretty much tells the world “I’m not trying today.” Also your parents did not buy you that DVD here so I can’t return it…do you even know where you are right now?

Stop complaining that your battery only lasts three days, I’m lucky to get 10 hours. Your old phone stayed charged for weeks because it had a inch wide display and couldn’t do anything but call. Go sit on your porch and yell at the whippersnappers running by too fast.

-RG

I have carefully read through the limited manufacturer’s warning and I can safely say running over your smartphone is not covered as a “factory defect.”  Throwing it down on my counter so chunks of broken screen fall around isn’t going to help your cause any either.  Chalk this one up as a failure eh?

-RG

There’s somethings you just don’t talk about…one of which is how your, “70 year old ass is supposed to make her panties wet” by texting.  I think what makes this harder is we started this conversation by you telling me how hard it is to get over your wife’s death.  Seems like you’re doing okay….

-RG

You’re not really doing too much for yourself by calling in and complaining. The brilliant thing about math is it doesn’t lie…30 days is 30 days. Now go annoy your girlfriend.

-RG