“Before I let you sell me a phone, I must know that you’ve been washed in the love of Jesus.”

This made me think that someone named Jesus ejaculated on my person. In that sense, no…. God no.

-RG

Me: “Today you’ll be spending $300 in store for the phone, is that doable?
Customer: “Absolutely, let’s do this!”

***half hour of working to get things set up***

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $300 today; cash or card?”
Customer: “What? You never said I’d need to pay you.”

-RG

Contrary to popular belief, the volume down button does not turn the volume of your device up. I know its confusing with that whole “volume up” “volume down” terminology.

Perhaps we should get you the Fisher-Price model that has fun zoo sounds instead, yes?

“The cow says, ‘you’re not ready for actual technology.’”

-RG

“I just hate how much maintenance I have to do just to make this thing (Atrix) work. If I want to save a contact I have to push a button, if I want to send a text I have to pick the contact…I just hate this damn thing.”

(exchanges her Atrix for an iPhone)

“GOD I hate this fucking phone…I have to plug it into iTunes to do anything.” (storms off angrily).

Sadly she did not get hit by a bus or anything on the way to her car.

-RG

Customer: “I hate Android, it’s too hard. I can’t ever figure out how to go to the home screen”
Me: “You hit the button that looks like a house.”
Customer: “When you say it like that of course it makes me look retarded.”
Me: “I don’t know how to respond to this.”

-RG

I want to thank all of you for stopping by my little corner of the technowebs. I’m trying to update as often as possible, but between work being ungodly busy and people not being douchebags I’ve found myself with a lack of inspiration.

So what I would like to do is open this little thing up for submissions…

If you have a story/photo/or whatever that you think would make people chuckle send it to DEARRETAILCUSTOMER@GMAIL.COM and I will do everything in my power to post/respond to you as fast as I can.

I love you all!

-RG

Do people ever walk into grocery stores and start making demands?

“I want a 16 ounce rib eye steak, cooked, and fed to me by virgins.  It must be accompanied by a fine red wine, aged 50 years, and served in a crystal goblet.  There has to be a full orchestra to play the work of Beethoven while the virgins feed me.  Also, I refuse to pay for any of this.”

Why is it okay to walk into a cellphone store and make such demands? Fuck off.

-RG

I fucking hate my iPhone…Apple products are such pieces of shit.  Do you know when the 5 comes out cause I think I want to upgrade to that one.”

I honestly do not see how people can say something like this without feeling retarded?

-RG

One of the best ways to get the best customer service possible is get all doped up on percocet and storm in and yell at people who didn’t sell you anything in the first place.  Or wait, maybe that was the exact opposite way you should act.  I can never remember these things.

-RG

Your wearing Uggz and spandex tights, what the hell type of business are you in?

“My phone isn’t able to make calls for some reason, do you think it’s because of the second coming of Christ?”

-RG