In no way does my employer approve of what I'm doing here. In my everday life I meet wonderful customers...some of these people leave such a wonderful impression I have to write them a "love note." If you have a story you want to submit shoot it to: DEARRETAILCUSTOMER@GMAIL.COM I'll do my best to post/respond as quick as humanly possible.

Recent Tweets @mynameisfyl

Don’t screw over someone’s paycheck because you’re an idiot who refuses to ask a simple question after having the same issue three times before. There isn’t some massive global conspiracy to rob you of 7GB. Take a minute to think about things before you derp.


“Before I let you sell me a phone, I must know that you’ve been washed in the love of Jesus.”

This made me think that someone named Jesus ejaculated on my person. In that sense, no…. God no.


Me: “Today you’ll be spending $300 in store for the phone, is that doable?
Customer: “Absolutely, let’s do this!”

***half hour of working to get things set up***

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $300 today; cash or card?”
Customer: “What? You never said I’d need to pay you.”


Contrary to popular belief, the volume down button does not turn the volume of your device up. I know its confusing with that whole “volume up” “volume down” terminology.

Perhaps we should get you the Fisher-Price model that has fun zoo sounds instead, yes?

“The cow says, ‘you’re not ready for actual technology.’”


I understand your frustration, but yelling at me for not carrying cases for a 5 year old phone isn’t going to magically make them in stock. Neither will telling me how long you’ve been a customer; it doesn’t open an exclusive warehouse in the backroom with every item you could ever need. That’s Santa’s sack…

While you’re out on a rampage, you should probably go yell at RadioShack for being out of BetaMax cleaner tapes.


"I just hate how much maintenance I have to do just to make this thing (Atrix) work. If I want to save a contact I have to push a button, if I want to send a text I have to pick the contact…I just hate this damn thing."

(exchanges her Atrix for an iPhone)

"GOD I hate this fucking phone…I have to plug it into iTunes to do anything." (storms off angrily).

Sadly she did not get hit by a bus or anything on the way to her car.


Customer: “I hate Android, it’s too hard. I can’t ever figure out how to go to the home screen”
Me: “You hit the button that looks like a house.”
Customer: “When you say it like that of course it makes me look retarded.”
Me: “I don’t know how to respond to this.”


I want to thank all of you for stopping by my little corner of the technowebs. I’m trying to update as often as possible, but between work being ungodly busy and people not being douchebags I’ve found myself with a lack of inspiration.

So what I would like to do is open this little thing up for submissions…

If you have a story/photo/or whatever that you think would make people chuckle send it to DEARRETAILCUSTOMER@GMAIL.COM and I will do everything in my power to post/respond to you as fast as I can.

I love you all!


Asker Anonymous Asks:
Pretty sure you've always wanted to see me naked.. Well.. I'm feeling pretty adventurous today so go to datelink5(dot)com (switch [dot] with .) then sign up and find my profile under the username 'lolsummer69'. I hid my face in the pictures. but I want you to guess who I am and then hit me up on Facebook lol. Good luck.
dearretailcustomer dearretailcustomer Said:

OH MY GOD….you got me there.

Do people ever walk into grocery stores and start making demands?

"I want a 16 ounce rib eye steak, cooked, and fed to me by virgins.  It must be accompanied by a fine red wine, aged 50 years, and served in a crystal goblet.  There has to be a full orchestra to play the work of Beethoven while the virgins feed me.  Also, I refuse to pay for any of this."

Why is it okay to walk into a cellphone store and make such demands? Fuck off.